Catch-22 Quotes - Page 2 | Just Great DataBase

They couldn't him because he was Tarzan, Mandrake, Flash Gordon. He was Bill Shakespeare. He was Cain, Ulysses, the Flying Dutchman; he was Lot in Sodom, Dreirdre of the Sorrows, Sweeney in the nightingales among trees. He was miracle ingredient Z-247.

Of course you’re dying. We’re all dying. Where the devil else do you think you’re heading?

Colonel Cathcart had courage and never hesitated to volunteer his men for any target available.

You know, that’s my trouble, he groaned. I never listen to anybody. Somebody kept telling me to put my headlights on, but I just wouldn’t listen.

You pompous, rotund, neighborly, vacuous, complacent... - Yossarian

Yossarian attended the education sessions because he wanted to find out why so many people were working so hard to kill him.

Neighbors sought him out for advice on all subjects, for he had made much money and was therefore wise.

Shooting skeet eight hours a month was excellent training for them. It trained them to shoot skeet.

Like all the other officers at Group Headquarters except Major Danby, Colonel Cathcart was infused with the democratic spirit: he believed that all men were created equal, and he therefore spurned all men outside Group Headquarters with equal fervor.

Like hell he was," said the first C.I.D. man. "I'm the C.I.D. man arround here." Major Major could barely recognize him because he was wearing a faded maroon corduroy bathrobe with open seams under both arms, linty flannel pajamas, & worn house slippers with one flapping sole.

Even when he cheated he couldn’t win, because the people he cheated against were always better at cheating too.

You've got flies in your eyes. That's why you can't see them.

Appleby was a fair-haired boy from Iowa who believed in God, Motherhood and the American Way of Life, without ever thinking about any of them, and everybody who knew him liked him.

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind.

Sure there’s a catch, Doc Daneeka replied. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn’t really crazy. There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind.

Colonel Korn agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.

Yossarian quickened his pace to get away, almost ran. The night was filled with horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts, like a victim through a prison full of thieves. What a welcome sight a leper must have been!

In fact, though the books came slowly, he was a novelist to his bootlaces, an avid narrator who couldn’t stop the story once it had started, who felt the terrors of existence so acutely that he had to tell them and tell them until he’d made them something else.

A situation in which a desired outcome or solution is impossible to attain because of a set of inherently illogical rules or conditions.

It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian say the chaplain he fell madly in love with him.

Bless you, my boy. Have a horseshoe. Thank you, sir. What should I do with it? Throw it. Away? At that peg there. Then pick it up and throw it at this peg. It’s a game, see? You get the horseshoe back.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt...

He began to wonder with genuine concern just what sort of shithead the Pentagon had foisted on him.

The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him.

He wondered often how he would ever recognize the first chill, flush, twinge, ache, belch, sneeze, stain, lethargy, vocal slip, loss of balance or lapse of memory that would signal the inevitable beginning of the inevitable end.

He mashed hundreds of cakes of GI soap into the sweet potatoes just to show that people have the taste of Philistines and don’t know the difference between good and bad.

I only raped her once, he explained. Yossarian was aghast. But you killed her, Aarfy! You killed her! Oh, I had to do that after I raped her, Aarfy replied in his most condescending manner.

Major Major’s father was a sober God-fearing man whose idea of a good joke was to lie about his age. He was a long-limbed farmer, a God-fearing, freedom-loving, law-abiding rugged individualist who held that federal aid to anyone but farmers was creeping socialism. He advocated thrift and hard work and disapproved of loose women who turned him down.

Clevinger was already on the way, half out of his chair with emotion, his eyes moist and his lips quivering and pale. As always occurred when he quarreled over principles in which he believed passionately, he would end up gasping furiously for air and blinking back bitter tears of conviction. There were many principles in which Clevinger believed passionately. He was crazy.

I have some decades to spare. Do you know how long a year takes when it’s going away?

What does the fish remind you of? Other fish. And what do the other fish remind you of? Other fish. Major Sanderson sat back disappointedly. Do you like fish? Not especially.

Major Major's father was a sober God-fearing man whose idea of a good joke was to lie about his age. He was a long-limbed farmer, a God-fearing, freedom-loving, law-abiding rugged individualist who held that federal aid to anyone but farmers was creeping socialism. He advocated thrift and hard work and disapproved of loose women who turned him down.

Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. Yossarian knew what he meant. That’s not what I meant, Doc Daneeka said as Yossarian began scratching his back.

I’d rather have peanut brittle crumbs on my face than flies in my eyes, Havermeyer retorted.

The only one who lived with the chaplain in his clearing in the woods was Corporal Whitcomb, his assistant. Corporal Whitcomb, an atheist, was a disgruntled subordinate who felt he could do the chaplain’s job much better than the chaplain was doing it and viewed himself, therefore, as an underprivileged victim of social inequity.

Keep away, keep away, Hungry Joe screamed. I said keep away, keep away, you goddam stinking lousy son of a bitch. At least we found out what he dreams about, Dunbar observed wryly. He dreams about goddam stinking lousy sons of bitches.

I have a weakness for fresh eggs.

Bribery is against the law, and you know it. But it’s not against the law to make a profit, is it? So it can’t be against the law for me to bribe someone in order to make a fair profit, can it? No, of course not!

Five is very good, Milo, he observed with enthusiasm, spying a ray of hope. That averages out to almost one combat mission every two months. And I’ll bet your total doesn’t even include the time you bombed us. Yes, sir. It does.

My fish dream is a sex dream.

Steal Captain Black’s car, said Yossarian. That’s what I always do. We can’t steal anybody’s car. Since you began stealing the nearest car every time you wanted one, nobody leaves the ignition on.

They might have occurred if either General Dreedle or General Peckem had once evinced an interest in taking part in orgies with him, but neither ever did, and the colonel was certainly not going to waste time and energy making love to beautiful women unless there was something in it for him.

It isn’t even good grammar. What the hell does it mean when they disappear somebody?

There were billions of conscientious body cells oxidating away day and night like dumb animals at their complicated job of keeping him alive and healthy, and every one was a potential traitor and foe.

Yossarian wrinkled his forehead with quizzical amusement. You won’t marry me because I’m crazy, and you say I’m crazy because I want to marry you? Is that right?

He felt imprisoned in an airplane. In an airplane there was absolutely no place in the world to go except to another part of the airplane. Doc Daneeka had been told that people who enjoyed climbing into an airplane were really giving vent to a subconscious desire to climb back into the womb.

The only thing going on was a war, and no one seemed to notice but Yossarian and Dunbar. And when Yossarian tried to remind people, they drew away from him and thought he was crazy.

Don’t be such an ass, Scheisskopf. People have a right to do anything that’s not forbidden by law, and there’s no law against lying to you.

He had poor eyesight and chronic sinus trouble, which made war especially exciting for him, since he was in no danger of going overseas.

Havermeyer was a lead bombardier who never missed. Yossarian was a lead bombardier who had been demoted because he no longer gave a damn whether he missed or not. He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt, and his only mission each time he went up was to come down alive.